We live in a culture that honors fighting, respects confrontation, and encourages arguing. It seems like everyone is always mad! Peace seems impossible because it is not something that comes naturally to us. And that is exactly the problem Paul is naming in Romans 12. Beginning at verse 14, he gives a list of hard instructions. “Bless those who persecute you. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil. So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
When Scripture states an instruction this plainly, it is usually because without that instruction we would not choose the right way. Paul had to teach us not to keep score of wrongs because retaliation is our default setting. You raise your voice, I raise mine. You hurt me, I make sure you feel it back. That is not something we learn. It is something we have to unlearn.
For years, some part of me believed that if I worked hard enough, communicated clearly enough, and loved people well enough, everyone would eventually like me. After forty years of ministry, I can tell you that is simply not true. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will agree with you. And chasing universal approval is not peace. It is control, and control was never promised to us.
That is actually good news, because it frees us from a burden we were never meant to carry. Paul writes, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice the qualifier “if possible.” That means peace with everyone is not always within reach, and it is not always your fault when it doesn’t happen. But notice the second half too, “so far as it depends on you.” That means you do have a responsibility, and it is not the responsibility to control another person’s heart. It is the responsibility to guard your own response.
That distinction changes everything. When someone is unkind to me and I decide to match their unkindness, I have quietly handed them the power to direct my path. I have let them decide who I am going to be that day. But when I remember that I am not responsible for controlling them, only for stewarding myself, something shifts. I get to choose whether I follow Christ or follow the loudest, angriest voice in the room. Proverbs 15:1 says it plainly, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Somebody has to be the one who speaks softly first. Scripture says that somebody can be you.
This does not mean peace is passive. Hebrews 12:14 says strive for peace with everyone. Striving is active. It is hard work. Sometimes it looks like a difficult conversation you would rather avoid. Sometimes it looks like forgiveness you do not feel like extending yet. Either way, it costs something, but that peace is worth the price.
Romans 12:21 puts it this way, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” That is not weakness. That is the strongest thing a person can do.
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