He could no longer use His hands to touch the sick. Those hands were nailed in place.
He could no longer walk on water. The spike that ran through His feet rendered them useless.
He could no longer teach His disciples. They had all abandoned Him.
He could no longer do what He had always done, but His ministry was not over. When He couldn’t move, couldn’t lead, couldn’t work; He could still pray. And pray He did! “Father forgive them….”
If and when you can no longer serve like you used to, remember you still have a ministry. As long as you can pray, you can participate in mighty and holy work; work that can make an everlasting difference in someone else’s life.
Small groups are a vitally important part of strong churches, but those groups do not look the same in every church. Some are Sunday School classes, others are Life Groups, still others are Home Groups or Grow Groups. Different groups serve different purposes, but all healthy small groups grow the same way. There are five stages of growth in every healthy group. Each stage brings deeper relationships, stronger faith, and greater unity. Healthy groups don’t skip these steps; they move through them in order, naturally and prayerfully.
1. Communication — How Connection Begins
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6 (ESV)
Communication is the first stage of growth for any small group because it opens the door to understanding and belonging. In this stage, members are learning names, backgrounds, and personalities. The tone is usually light and polite, as they begin to establish relationships. Effective small groups make time for conversation — not just Bible discussion but real talk about real life. Leaders help foster this by asking good questions, listening well, and encouraging participation from everyone. A quiet member who feels heard early on is more likely to open up later.
This stage lays the foundation for everything that follows. As people learn to communicate, they begin to recognize shared experiences and common faith. Slowly, strangers become acquaintances, and before long they become friends.
2. Confidentiality — Creating a Safe Space
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. Proverbs 11:13 (ESV)
Once a group begins to talk, the question on each participant’s mind is, “Can I trust these people with what’s really going on in my life?” That’s where confidentiality comes in. Confidentiality is the agreement that what is shared in the group will not be carried outside the group. It’s not about keeping secrets but protecting hearts. When people know they won’t be gossiped about, they feel free to be real. This honesty allows the Holy Spirit to bring healing, conviction, and growth.
Leaders must model and enforce this. Begin the first few meetings by saying something like, “We value honesty here, and we respect each other’s privacy. What’s shared in this group stays here.” When someone violates that trust, it can set the group back dramatically. When confidentiality is honored, the group becomes a safe place for people to be honest with others and themselves.
3. Support — Showing that We Care
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (ESV)
When people feel safe enough to share their needs, the group naturally begins to respond with compassion. Support is where love becomes action. Someone loses a job and others help with groceries. A member faces surgery, and meals appear at their doorstep. A parent is discouraged, and prayers, texts, and encouragement flow in.
In this stage, members begin to see that small group isn’t just a weekly meeting. It’s a lifeline. This is when people begin to experience real church in its purest form: believers bearing one another’s burdens, rejoicing in each other’s victories, and reminding one another of God’s faithfulness.
Early on, leaders can encourage this by asking: “How can we serve one another this week?” or “Who needs prayer and encouragement right now?” Over time, support becomes spontaneous. People don’t wait to be asked. They simply step in to help.
4. Trust — The Deepening of Relationship
Trust doesn’t happen automatically just because your group is in a church. It also doesn’t happen quickly. It develops over time as people see each other show up, keep promises, and stay faithful through good times and bad.
In this stage, the group’s conversations grow deeper. Members start sharing not just what’s happening but what’s really happening: the struggles beneath the surface, the doubts that linger, and the victories that only God could accomplish.
Trust allows people to confess sins, admit fears, and ask for help without shame. It transforms the group from a social circle into a spiritual family. This is where discipleship and community really begin. When trust is present, people no longer attend the group just because it’s on the calendar. They come because they can’t imagine not being with these people who truly care about them.
5. Accountability — The Mark of Maturity
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
The final stage of small group growth is accountability. This is where love becomes courageous. Mature small groups don’t just comfort one another. They challenge one another to live faithfully. Accountability means we care enough to ask, “How are you really doing in your walk with Christ, and what steps are you taking to grow?” Accountability isn’t about judgment; it’s about spiritual friendship. Members remind one another of commitments, encourage each other to resist temptation, and celebrate their progress together.
This kind of honesty requires all the earlier stages to be in place. You can’t hold someone accountable if you haven’t first built communication, confidentiality, support, and trust.
With accountability, the group becomes a greenhouse for spiritual growth. People begin to overcome sin patterns, strengthen marriages, deepen prayer lives, and live more like Jesus.
Growing Together in Christ
Small groups begin with conversation and grow toward transformation. Communication opens the door, confidentiality builds safety, support expresses love, trust deepens relationship, and accountability produces maturity. When a group walks through these stages with grace and patience, something sacred happens: hearts are knit together, lives are changed, and Christ is glorified.
When John Milton wrote the line, “The hungry sheep look up, and are not fed,” he was not speaking about literal sheep, but about people. He was thinking about people who come to church but are starving because those who are supposed to feed them fail to do so.
When Milton wrote that in 1638, it was common for a pulpit to be set high above the congregation, so when people came to hear a sermon, they would literally “look up.” Seeing them do that reminded him of sheep looking up to their shepherd expecting to be fed. He expressed a sobering truth: spiritual hunger is real, and it is the responsibility of those who preach and teach God’s Word to address that need.
Milton’s quote has stuck with me since I first heard it at seminary many years ago. The tragedy of the statement is not that the sheep are hungry, that’s natural and expected. The tragedy is that they are not fed. That happens when preaching turns into pretty talk instead of truth, speeches instead of Scripture, or opinions instead of God’s Word. Sadly, it is possible for people to sit through an entire worship service and still leave starving.
Effective, biblical preaching matters. People are depending on it, hungry for it. As a pastor, I am not called to impress anyone or entertain the room. Preaching is not performance, personality, or opinion. It is not just a perfunctory religious activity. It is the steady, nourishing work of opening the Scriptures and offering God’s truth to people who need to be fed. When preaching is shallow, unprepared, or self-focused, the flock may still gather, but they leave hungry. When preaching is rooted in Scripture and centered on Christ, it feeds the soul, strengthens faith, and guides lives.
Milton’s line challenges me and reminds me of the sacred responsibility that goes with entering the pulpit each week. When people “look up,” they’re trusting me to offer some kind of spiritual food from the Word so they can grow (see 1 Peter 2:2). To preach the Word faithfully is to ensure that the hungry are fed and the Shepherd’s voice is truly heard.
One of the hardest things about parenting is knowing you can’t undo your own past. We’ve all made choices we wish we could take back. But just because you made bad choices doesn’t mean your kids should be given permission to repeat them.
I often hear parents say, “I did the same thing when I was young,” as if that justifies their children’s misbehavior. The thinking is well-intended. “Since I did it when I was young, I have to let them do it too, or I’ll be a hypocrite.” But love doesn’t say, “I made bad choices, so to be fair, I will let you make them too.” Love says, “I learned from my bad choices, and I want better for you.” Yes, your kids may one day point out your inconsistencies. That’s okay, let them.
Young people cannot always recognize wisdom, especially if it seems unfair to them at the time. As a parent, you see the road your child is on and you know where that road leads because you’ve been down many more roads than they have. If you don’t want them walking down a certain road, do what you can to stop them. The goal of parenting is not to be consistent with your past; it is to be faithful with your responsibility. As we have grown, our standards have changed. Love should raise the bar, not lower it. Don’t be afraid to admit your past mistakes and to say, “You don’t need to learn this the hard way. I did the learning for you already, and I can tell you right now you don’t want this.” Don’t hesitate to expect more from your children than you once expected from yourself.
Love them enough to be a hypocrite if you have to.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24
Friendship is one of God’s sweetest gifts, but Scripture reminds us that it is not automatic. Proverbs 18:24 draws an important distinction. It is possible to have many companions and still feel alone, yet one true friend can bring depth, safety, and strength to our lives. That kind of friendship doesn’t just happen. That kind of friendship is built.
We often wish for deeper friendships. We long for people who truly know us, who stay when life is heavy, who speak truth with love. But wisdom gently turns the question back toward us. Before asking “Why don’t I have that kind of friend?” we have to ask, “Am I being that kind of friend?” Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he wrote, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
The Bible has much to say about building friendships. Proverbs 17:17 tells us, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” True friendship shows up consistently, not only when it’s convenient. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us that friendship requires presence, being close enough to notice when someone falls and caring enough to help them back up. In the New Testament, Jesus raises the bar even higher. In John 15:13, He says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Friendship, at its best, is marked by sacrifice, choosing love, patience, and grace even when it costs us something. Romans 12:10 urges us to be intentional, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” And 1 Thessalonians 5:11 calls us to, “Encourage one another and build one another up.” Notice the language, “build.”
Friendship grows when we invest in it. Proverbs 18:24 reminds us that while shallow connections may be many, deep friendship is rare and precious. It must be protected and nurtured over time. It does not survive on good intentions alone.
So rather than waiting for friendship to find you, go make a friend. Go first, show up, and love well. Real friendships are built by people who choose to be one.
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26
We’ve all had those moments. Someone cuts us off in traffic, says something unfair, or breaks a promise, and before we know it, our heart rate rises, our jaw tightens, our fists clinch and our voice gets louder. That’s anger, and it’s a normal part of being human.
What happens next is what really matters. If we hold on to that anger, replay the moment, and let it shape how we see that person, the emotion that started as a spark can turn into a slow-burning fire. Anger becomes a grudge, and a grudge can grow into hate.
Anger Is Not Always Wrong
Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “Be angry and do not sin….” It is possible to be angry without sinning. Anger can alert us to injustice or wrongdoing. It can even motivate us to act, forgive, or make things right. But it is not meant to live in us.
Anger That Lingers
A grudge is stored-up anger. It is an offense we rehearse over and over in our minds. Holding a grudge might feel like strength, but it’s really a kind of bondage. If we don’t release it, that grudge grows roots and becomes hatred. What started as a dislike for someone’s actions becomes a deep resentment toward their very being.
Hebrews 12:15 cautions us to “see to it that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.” Bitterness always begins as a root. It’s small, hidden, and often justified in our minds. If left unchecked, it spreads and poisons our heart, our relationships, and our peace.
When One Moment Turns Into Long-term Hatred
Some people struggle with anger because they misinterpret it. They assume that if they get angry at someone, they are supposed to stay angry. A single offense becomes a permanent label. One heated moment becomes a lifelong grudge.
That confusion comes from not understanding the difference between a momentary emotion and a long-term mindset. For some people, holding on to anger feels like protecting your own personal integrity. Actually, it is faulty view of strength and it leads to painful experiences. Instead of letting anger rise and fall (as God designed it) they create a personal “list.” Once someone upsets them, even in a small or momentary way, that person gets added to the list, and from that point on they are viewed with suspicion, resentment, or silent punishment. What should have been a passing emotion becomes a permanent category. This mindset keeps old wounds fresh and relationships frozen. The tragedy is that the “list” doesn’t just imprison the people on it, it imprisons the heart that keeps it. God never intended anger to become a filing system for bitterness.
When someone believes that anger should justifiably turn into hatred, every mistake others make becomes catastrophic. No one is allowed to be human. No relationship can survive, and no offense can be forgiven. This is not the way of Christ. This is not the way of love. This is not how God treats us. If God turned every moment of righteous anger into permanent rejection, none of us would stand a chance. But He is “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8). We must learn to do the same. We need to learn how to feel anger without tying it like a millstone around someone’s neck for the rest of their life.
Anger Says, “I’m Hurt.” Hate Says, “You’re Worthless.”
Anger is a reaction to something that happened. Hatred is a decision about who that person is. Anger says, “I don’t like what you did.” Hatred says, “I don’t like who you are.”
James 1:19–20 teaches us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,” because “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” God knows that while anger can be useful for a moment, hatred poisons our hearts for a lifetime.
Learning to be Angry Without Sin
Ephesians 4:26 frees us to feel anger while forbidding us to feed it. “Be angry and do not sin….” You can acknowledge the wrong without being overcome by it. You can confront offense without keeping score. You can feel anger without letting it grow into hate. You can confront what’s broken and still choose love. Don’t let what hurt you harden you!
Every once in a while, life holds up a mirror, and the reflection is not the one we expected. We see ourselves one way, but then realize others see something different. That realization can sting a little. But it can also be one of the most spiritually productive moments in our lives.
1. Pause Before You React
When you sense that others’ perception doesn’t match your own, resist the urge to defend or explain right away. Instead, pause and take a breath. Then ask, “What might God be showing me through their perspective?”
Proverbs 12:15 (ESV) says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Listening doesn’t mean the other person’s opinion is correct, but it does mean their feedback might help you see something that’s in your blind spot. Sometimes the people around us see things we can’t. God often uses their perspective as a tool to grow us.
2. Remember the Difference Between Image and Identity
Your image is how others see you.
Your identity is who you are in Christ.
When there’s a disconnect, it can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t change your worth. Ground yourself in verses like Ephesians 2:10, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”
Let your confidence come from who you are in Him, not how others interpret you. Even when others misunderstand or misread us, our identity is secure. You are God’s masterpiece, not a product of public opinion.
3. Discern What’s True and Helpful
Not every perception others have is accurate, but sometimes others see strengths or weaknesses that we’ve overlooked. When you sense a disconnect, seek feedback from people who love you enough to tell you the truth with grace. They can help you discern what’s real and what’s noise.
Ask questions like: “Can you help me understand what makes me come across that way?” and “What might I not be seeing?” This kind of honest reflection helps close the gap between how we think we’re doing and how we’re really doing. That’s how spiritual maturity grows, through humility and teachability.
4. Let It Shape You, Not Shame You
If others’ feedback uncovers pride, impatience, or a habit you didn’t notice, don’t run from it in embarrassment. Let God use it.
David prayed, “Search me, O God, and know my heart… and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
God’s conviction isn’t meant to condemn It is meant to form us into the likeness of Christ.
5. Use It as a Bridge, Not a Wall
Sometimes the way others see us is shaped by misunderstanding, miscommunication, or even some unrelated pain. When that’s the case, clarifying with humility can build bridges. You might say something like, “I didn’t realize I came across that way. Help me understand how I can do better.”
That kind of honesty softens hearts. It shows that you care more about connection than control, and that’s where grace does its best work.
6. Keep Growing
Paul said, “Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)
We don’t see everything clearly yet. None of us do. Your understanding of yourself will mature. Stay teachable, anchored in grace, and keep growing. As we grow in Christ, the picture sharpens. The longer we walk with Him, the more our self-perception begins to align with His truth and others’ experience of us.
So when you discover that others see you differently, don’t be discouraged. See it as an invitation from God to learn, to grow, and to walk a little more humbly with Him.
Gratitude isn’t just something we say, it’s a way we live. “Thanksgiving” comes once a year, but “ThanksLiving” is a lifestyle that changes everything. Here is a 7-day reading plan you can use to focus on gratitude as a way of life.
Day 1 — The Peace of Christ
Scripture Reading: John 14:25–31
In this passage, Jesus comforts His disciples on the night before the cross. He promises the Holy Spirit and gives them a peace the world cannot imitate. This peace is not the absence of trouble—it is the presence of Christ. Thankful living begins when we trust the One who holds our future securely in His hands. Gratitude grows when peace rules.
Reflection Question: Where do I need Christ’s peace to rule in my heart today?
Day 2 — A Heart Guarded by Prayer and Praise
Scripture Reading: Philippians 4:4–9
Paul invites believers into a pattern of joy, gentleness, prayer, and peace. Thanksgiving is built into prayer itself. When we pray with thanksgiving, anxiety is displaced by peace. Let gratitude shape not only your prayers but also your thoughts. What you dwell on directs the condition of your heart.
Reflection Question: What worry can I turn into a prayer of thanksgiving?
Day 3 — Let the Word Dwell Richly
Scripture Reading: Psalm 119:9–16
This passage describes the believer learning to walk with God by keeping His Word close. Scripture is not just information—it is nourishment. As God’s Word dwells richly in us, gratitude grows naturally. Ask the Lord today to help His Word take deep root in your heart—not just visited, but welcomed and lived.
Reflection Question: What verse is God calling me to treasure this week?
Day 4 — Scripture That Renews the Mind
Scripture Reading: Romans 12:1–5
Paul urges believers to offer their lives to God as living sacrifices. The key to transformation is the renewing of the mind. The world presses us into its mold—fear, complaint, comparison—but the Word reshapes us into Christ’s image. Gratitude flows from a renewed mind that sees God’s mercy clearly.
Reflection Question: How is God using His Word to renew my mind?
Day 5 — Give Thanks in All Circumstances
Scripture Reading: 1 Thessalonians 5:12–24
Paul gives a cascade of practical commands. At the center is the call to “give thanks in all circumstances.” This does not mean pretending hardships are pleasant—it means recognizing God’s presence and purpose in every season. Gratitude is an act of trust. It declares: “God is working even here.”
Reflection Question: What difficult situation can I offer to God with thanksgiving?
Day 6 — Do All to the Glory of God
Scripture Reading: 1 Corinthians 10:23–33
Paul shows how everyday decisions—what we eat, how we act, how we treat others—are opportunities to honor God. Thanksgiving becomes the attitude that shapes everything. When gratitude is your motive, ordinary moments become sacred.
Reflection Question: How can I glorify God in one ordinary action today?
Day 7 — A Heart Overflowing with Praise
Scripture Reading: Psalm 103:1–14
David calls his own soul to remember God’s blessings—His forgiveness, healing, compassion, and faithful love. Thanksgiving grows when we intentionally remember the good things God has done. Pause today and recount the ways God has been good to you. Let your heart overflow with praise.
Reflection Question: What are five blessings I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.
Hebrews 2:1 (ESV)
Most people don’t just wake up one morning and decide to walk away from God. The real danger for most believers isn’t rebellion or rejection, it’s drift. Drift is the slow, quiet, unnoticed slide into complacency that happens when we stop paying attention to our personal discipleship.
No One Grows Spiritually by Accident
In almost every area of life, personal growth cannot happen accidentally. Strong marriages require time and communication. Healthy bodies require diet and exercise. Good finances require planning and discipline. Too many believers assume that spiritual maturity will happen automatically like physical aging, but discipleship doesn’t work that way. Scripture makes it clear that we cannot just coast. Instead, Peter encourages us to, “make every effort….” (2 Peter 1:5) Healthy, spiritual growth is intentional!
Drift Always Pulls Us in the Wrong Direction
Think about a boat tied to a dock. Untie the rope and the boat drifts away. It never moves in closer to hug the shoreline. That’s the nature of drift. So the writer of Hebrews warns us, “We must pay much closer attention… lest we drift away.” (Hebrews 2:1)
Drift is not dramatic. It is subtle, quiet, and gradual. It shows up in small choices:
- Less time in the Word
- A prayer life that becomes occasional
- Worship that turns optional
- Serving only when convenient and easy
Compromise doesn’t feel like compromise. You don’t feel drift in the moment. You only recognize it when you realize how far you’ve gotten from where you started, “that you have left your first love.” (Rev. 2:4b)
There is No Neutral Gear
We often think we’re fine spiritually because we’re not doing anything wrong, but spiritual neutrality is a myth. In your car, “neutral” is neither “drive” nor “reverse”. It is just that spot where you can idle and not really move one way or the other. That spot does not exist in your spiritual life! If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. Peter instructed us to be careful that we are not carried away, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18a). It’s one or the other. We are either growing closer to Christ, or we are drifting away from Him. Jesus did not say, “Stop by and see me sometimes.” He said, “Abide in me.” (John 15:4a) Abiding requires attention, intention, and connection.
Drift Makes Us Vulnerable
When we begin to drift away from Jesus, we become vulnerable in ways we rarely notice at first. Distance from Him dulls our spiritual senses. Our convictions soften, our discernment weakens, and the noise of the world grows louder than the whisper of His voice. Without the steady anchor of His presence, temptations seem more appealing, fears feel heavier, and old habits return. The enemy loves to see the easy prey of a drifting believer. The good news is that Jesus stands ready to draw us back the moment we turn toward Him—offering strength, clarity, and the security only He can give.
Intentional Growth Happens in Daily Choices
Spiritual maturity is built in simple, consistent habits and routines. Small daily steps create long-term transformation.
- Studying Scripture
- Talking and listening to God in prayer
- Worshipping with God’s people
- Humbly serving others
- Building relationships that sharpen us
- Obeying the Holy Spirit
Intentional growth is choosing to live out Psalm 1 and to plant yourself by streams of living water. That kind of healthy growth produces a faith that is steady, rooted, and fruitful. Spiritual growth is a joint effort. God transforms us as we trust and obey Him. “For there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus.” (John Sammis)
Don’t Let Drift Define You
Drifting requires nothing of you, but it will cost you everything. It will slowly but steadily deminish your peace, purpose, influence, and joy. The good news, is you can choose a different path! You can choose to pay attention. You can choose to grow on purpose. You can choose to draw near to the One Who is always drawing near to you! (James 4:8)
Drift is subtle and automatic. Growth is purposeful and intentional.
Choose to grow!
Sometimes I find myself smiling as I think about small town church in years gone by. Back when every year we had two revivals, one in the spring, one in the fall. You were expected to be there every single night, no matter what was showing on “The Wonderful World of Disney.”
“Sunday socials” included dinner on the grounds that could have fed a small nation. Deviled eggs that disappeared in five minutes, fried chicken that could convert a skeptic, and larruping desserts that could make your tongue beat your brains out.
Behind the slightly out-of-tune upright piano hung that classic wooden scoreboard, faithfully reporting last week’s attendance and offering, and this week’s hymn numbers. Nobody paid it any mind unless the hymn numbers were wrong.
Songs were sung straight out of the Broadman Hymnal or Heavenly Highways. Everybody sang back then, belting out songs they all knew by heart whether they could read a note of music or not.
On the Lord’s Table down front there was a silk flower arrangement. It hadn’t been changed in 27 years and everyone secretly hoped it never would. It was the floral definition of “bless yer heart.”
Then there was the baptistry with a heater that never did work quite right. It held water so cold it proved you really were one of God’s frozen chosen.
Times have changed, but the love folks shared back then still keeps church families together today. The Bible the preacher preached from is still the unchanging Word of God. Music is still the primary way the people of God join together in praise. Prayer is still the way we communicate with the Father. The Holy Spirit is still the One who brings real revival, and Jesus Christ is still the King of Kings who loves His Bride and is glorified by the worship of His people.
Some things change.
The big stuff doesn’t.
John W. Crowder 