Love Your Kids Enough to be Hypocritical

One of the hardest things about parenting is knowing you can’t undo your own past. We’ve all made choices we wish we could take back. But just because you made bad choices doesn’t mean your kids should be given permission to repeat them.

I often hear parents say, “I did the same thing when I was young,” as if that justifies their children’s misbehavior. The thinking is well-intended. “Since I did it when I was young, I have to let them do it too, or I’ll be a hypocrite.” But love doesn’t say, “I made bad choices, so to be fair, I will let you make them too.” Love says, “I learned from my bad choices, and I want better for you.” Yes, your kids may one day point out your inconsistencies. That’s okay, let them.

Young people cannot always recognize wisdom, especially if it seems unfair to them at the time. As a parent, you see the road your child is on and you know where that road leads because you’ve been down many more roads than they have. If you don’t want them walking down a certain road, do what you can to stop them. The goal of parenting is not to be consistent with your past; it is to be faithful with your responsibility. As we have grown, our standards have changed. Love should raise the bar, not lower it. Don’t be afraid to admit your past mistakes and to say, “You don’t need to learn this the hard way. I did the learning for you already, and I can tell you right now you don’t want this.” Don’t hesitate to expect more from your children than you once expected from yourself.

Love them enough to be a hypocrite if you have to.